mai blogs

have been so stinkin depressing lately


thats about to change

=]

see...better already.

Work.

has been so difficult the last couple of days.
ive cried each of them.
i know its only a finger prick compared to some members of history.
but still.
being persecuted and singled out because i believe in something others dont.
and live for something others wont.
its hard.
to show people so much love and be hated for it nonetheless.
i dont know how He did it.
im supposed to consider it PURE joy.
but im having trouble even seeing through the darkness.
i suppose they're having trouble looking at the light though.
hmmm atleast i know my light is shining if people are trying to get me to turn it off.
yeah.
thats better.
=].

Lets Rant;

When faced with an unknowing, abyss of a decision, i tend to change my mind a lot. one moment lets do it, the next, absolutely not. i cant really always fathom the kind of feelings it takes for me to muster up the strength to just go ahead and..."live" as i would tend to label it, that is to simply not care about reaction of it, and just jump, head first, without light, boat or paddle, and see where you end up.

lately ive wanted to simply jump and not care but soon as i take a step toward the edge; what ifs show their ugly little faces and i cower out in fear of what was and what can be.or cant be.

maybe this is a life lesson, very slowly and not easily learned like id like to.
maybe if there was a subtle hint.


maybe if i just said it.

oh how life might, maybe, just...change.

allinall

this was a great week,
made a new friend or two.
got closer to some other ones.
actually really whole heartedly laughed in who knows how long
cooked for a few amazing people
and simply loved.

likeisaid...great week =]

Christmas

was seriously so good.

started off Christmas eve with Christmas Tree Lane, which rocked =]
then Christmas morning with the padres(dad got me some super comfy slippers)
went to the bestfriend's gma's house, then to his in-laws(SOOO MUCH FUNN)
to Christmas tree lane with the group
and then to watch Benjamin Button get young =]

rocked.

Worth

I'm at a crossroads in life at the moment

contemplating this and that for this and that reason

one thing i am sure of however, i will not quit.ill never back down.and ill keep standing

for better or worse.

today was surely somethin' else can't say that's bad though
its simply...content.

in complacent days, surrounded by complacent people doing everything one can to neither conform nor become complacency in itself..

that's a battle hardly won.
that's a road less traveled.
that's a fight worth fighting.